BOYS

i know i know..they look exactly like my other photographs hahaha...
hey...i was bored and my apartment is literally what you see in the pictures hahah
im branching out...photographing men....
so far...i cant seem to capture the masculine feel....no matter how hard i try....
maybe its just my style
i dunno...
what is my style?
do i have a style?
i dunno...
i need to break out more and try different things...
i still havent used my medium format yet...
summer school ends this week...
after that i will spend all my time experimenting...

on a more serious note...
My very dear friend...more like mentor came to visit this past weekend...
We both spent two summers together in China...
She was a really great support and teacher and helped me in the most darkest hours of my life so far....
Friend doesn't even come close to what she really is to me...
Talking with her again face to face and laying out of my burdens without holding back really made me realize so many things...
for the past year I have been so confused with where I stand in so many areas of my life...
I worried about too many things...
I started to trust more in myself and the people around me rather then God...
I lost my focus...the real reason why I came here in the first place...
I let Fear and anger consume my life...
I need to stop caring so much about the things around me...and focus on what in inside my heart...
I need to learn to love God unconditionally...
I realized how much i long for this...
I want to feel close to God again...
and i dont mean...i want to be a better Christian...
what i mean is...
i want to be so close to him...feel him in my heart...i want to show him my pain...my joy...i want to give him my everything...
I want to lose myself in him....so much that i change without knowing...without caring if i even change or not...